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She
asked him if it was dead or alive.
"Dead." She was informed.
"How do you know?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child
innocently. "You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and
it didn't move."
A
small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later....
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later:
"Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!" Five
minutes later...... "Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!" "When you come in to
spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
An
exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy
thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out
and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake,
Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
One
summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking
her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked
with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she
said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken
at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."
It
was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's
sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little
girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down,
the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it
your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied, directly into the
pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to
iron."
When
I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old
came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the
shower. She said," Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes,
honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know,"
she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
One
day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little
to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little
tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went
up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that
farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy
Shit! A talking chicken!" The teacher was unable to teach for the
next 10 minutes. |
